Disaster Movie is owned by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, and Peter Safran and distributed by Lionsgate. It is presumably copyrighted by the same person. A spoiler: the woman in blue is a man somehow ISN'T IT CRAZY.Before I start, let me say this: I am a part of the Lowest Common Denominator. By saying this, I admit that I have low I.Q., I laughed at slapstick actions that were not jokes, I have no grasp on grammar, and I hate those mathematicians with their jokes.
I must also admit that I did not re-watch movies intentionally. I did not re-watch any movies no matter how good they are, be it The Dark Knight or Manos: Hands of Fate. Why? Because second viewings, in my opinion, absorbed any delightful surprises out of the movies. For me, what make a movie good were the surprises. Re-watching movies, therefore, bored me so much that I’ll fast forward them to the moments of the movie that was still amusing. By saying that I did not re-watch movies, I admit that I have no credibility as a reviewer and that you should press either that ‘back’ button or the ‘close’ button.
Let’s get to the point now. Disaster Movie. It was better than Epic Movie. Yes, it is. While saying something is better than Epic Movie is like celebrating the fact that you did not rape your mother today, I still think Disaster Movie deserved praise for that.
My reasoning is that the memorable (I’m not sure I’m using the right word here) parts of Disaster Movie was much better than the memorable parts of Epic Movie. The most memorable part of Epic Movie for me is when Edward (it’s Edmund, dammit!) thought he ate from a chocolate river when it was actually…not. Let me not mention it. I cringe at that moment. While the most memorable part of Disaster Movie for me is the falling limbs, which was one part retarded and seven parts awesome.
In fact, I think I’ll compare memorable moments from both movies. I’ll abbreviate Epic Movie as EM and Disaster Movie as DM. Sadly, I remember more from DM than EM.
-EM’s ‘So bad the hair of [someone. I forgot the name]’ vs. DM’s ‘10001 BC’. Both are horribly unfunny.
-EM’s ‘Masked wrestling on lunchtime’ vs. DM’s ‘Ooh, I’m sleeping with a hot woman, a black man, and a midget’. I have to go with the wrestling for this one. Midgets or black men didn’t scare me, but both?
-EM’s ‘Let me repeat my catchphrase from Snakes on a Plane’ vs. DM’s ‘let me repeat my catchphrases from [a movie]’. I hate these moments, as I am not familiar with any of these catchphrases.
-EM’s ‘Paris Hilton crushed=Funny’ vs. DM’s ‘A hot woman shot in the head=Funny?’ I’m ashamed to say that both made me laughing, but the shot woman was funnier. I’m weird like that.
-EM’s ‘I have magnetic powers and I use them to bully boys with chicken wings’ vs. DM’s ‘High School Musical parody’. I love High School Musical (‘What Time is It?’ and ‘Bet on Me’ will never leave my head), and I just love the parody. It’s not funny, you see, but amusing enough for me.
-EM’s ‘Goat-man/Beaver is my OTP’ vs. DM’s ‘WTF Hannah Montana is Miley Cyrus’. I really don’t want to tell you that I am split. I like Hannah Montana (Hey, ‘Best of Both Worlds’ redeemed any cheesiness Hannah Montana had. Regarding blond hair usage, I would like people to remember about a glasses usage) and crack pairings (I ship Hitler/Chaplin and the very blasphemous Koran/Bible) a lot. However, the repeated mentions about her concerts compared to a single look of disgust to the couple made me to lean on EM.
-EM’s ‘Ooh, there’s a television on the back of a girl’s head’ vs. DM’s ‘I’m Batman and I’m running the hell away from here’. Anything involving Batman dragged to the floor by a car is hilarious in my book.
-EM’s ‘Aslan is the God of Narnia, therefore he should bone ladies’ vs. DM’s ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks like to sing in a very high-pitched voice, therefore they should bite off people’s testicles’. The chipmunks segment drag on for far too long than necessary and I hate it.
-EM’s ‘Pirates: The Musical’ vs. DM’s ‘Let us sing who fornicated whom’. I…really can’t say many things about this, since both referred to something I never saw, unless EM referenced the opening to Spongebob Squarepants.
-EM’s ‘Wheels roll and everybody dies’ vs. DM’s ‘Transvestite drug-using princess coming from the sewers and his boyfriend killed by a naked man is comedic genius, man’. ARGH.
So, from the list, it was a tie, with EM scoring 3 and DM scoring 3 as well. What made me like Disaster Movie better was that the fact that it does not have any naked woman. That sounded weird, but I really think the lack of naked woman made DM better. Why? I can watch it in a big screen with anyone else instead of on a laptop in the middle of the night. I have my younger cousin at the time I watched DM, for god’s sake.
What I’m trying to say is: watch Disaster Movie. It’s a bad movie that anyone with a little bit of patience and a little bit of stupidity and simple-mindedness could sit through and you can discuss how horrible it is with your friends later. You would require few whacks to the head as a baby to actually enjoy it. If I could rate this movie, I would rate it one out of five stars.
Last words: OH MY GOD YOU ARE PREGNANT WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING OH MY GOD.
Thank you.
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